she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
