Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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