Whod you bang
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
