I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
