The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
