Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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