she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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