i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
