You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He passed out mid-signature
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
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