remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
