i love accidental penises.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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