This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
