Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Houston, we have a blender
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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