I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
