she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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