um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
