If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
operation have a gay friend backfired
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
