Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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