I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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