so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
