Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
