If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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