I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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