Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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