; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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