the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
