we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
