Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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