And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
