wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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