Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
