Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
