Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
