: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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