My pussy is not your playground.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
