What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Welp...herpes.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
