I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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