I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
