How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
