That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
