he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
