ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
