the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
