honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
