this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
