We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
