Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
