I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
