Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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