Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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