I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
