For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
